PTSD -

GolgoXIII

kiwifarms.net
Sorry in advance if this was already discussed however I feel this was the best place for it.

Tumblr jokes aside I made this thread to seek others who battle this invisible enemy.

In late 2013 as an EMT I witnessed an accident that brought up the diagnosis and subsequently I had left the field and found solace building PCs while undergoing counseling.

Up until last month the funding for my counseling ended and now im left gripping at straws hoping that an episode doesn't happen. So far so good nothing yet.
 
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pickletickle

I HAVE AUTISM PLEASE LAUGH AT ME queen
kiwifarms.net
I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago from an extremely abusive relationship with a violent sociopath. I haven't been able to go to counseling the past couple of months either. I've been staying with my sister because I am scared to be by myself because in addition to worrying about an "episode," I also live in constant fear that the sociopath is going to come after me.

If you have a friend or family member you're really close to, they can help. You don't necessarily have to live with them like I do, but just let them know what you're going through and ask if it's okay that you give them a call to talk when you think you may feel an episode coming on.
 

Evilboshe

hockeyyyyy
kiwifarms.net
I got PTSD a few years ago (from a car accident and some abuse). It was pretty bad at first because I had no one I could talk to about it. I finally got a diagnosis early last year and found a therapist who would actually believe me and not belittle me about my trauma. I'm doing a lot better now, but the fear is still there. When I get particularly stressed out, sometimes the flashbacks will return (albeit in a comparatively minor fashion. I used to barely be able to close my eyes because that's when the flashbacks would happen.) And even still, I often do some avoidance stuff, particularly avoiding having people behind me, but I'm finally at a point in my life where I can work on that.

I agree with pickletickle's advice, and I really hope you have someone like that in your life that you feel comfortable confiding in. When I lived with my parents, I couldn't talk to them because my dad was part of the problem, and my mom didn't think what I was going through was bad enough ("...some fathers RAPE their children...") I was so scared to tell my friends because I had always been told that my problems weren't "bad enough", so I assumed they'd think I was pathetic. It felt so good to talk to my friends and have them be really understanding, even though we mostly communicate through texts and internet rather than face-to-face.
 

The Dude

Bro, don't even bro, bro.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Sorry in advance if this was already discussed however I feel this was the best place for it.

Tumblr jokes aside I made this thread to seek others who battle this invisible enemy.

In late 2013 as an EMT I witnessed an accident that brought up the diagnosis and subsequently I had left the field and found solace building PCs while undergoing counseling.

Up until last month the funding for my counseling ended and now im left gripping at straws hoping that an episode doesn't happen. So far so good nothing yet.
I was an EMT for a while and had to leave the field due to emotional and psychological trauma as well. I just got tired of seeing people hurt. It took me many years to finally get over it. I was never diagnosed with PTSD, but I probably had it.

I know my Father had it, and it definitely contributed to his death. He was in the Vietnam War, serving with the US Navy on river patrol boats. When I was a little kid I remember when he would have terrible nightmares and would scream in his sleep, usually yelling to the members of his boat crew in the middle of a remembered firefight during his dreams. He rarely talked about the war, and when he did it was always pretty vague. I'm pretty sure he had killed someone during the war, maybe a few people, because he only told me once "I was in a couple of firefights during the war. One time the engine broke down and I had to fix it so we could get out of there. It cut my hands up pretty bad." He was the boat's engineman and also ran the M60 machine gun on the rear of the boat. He told me a few other more detailed stories about the war that didn't involve fighting, but any time the story involved combat he always kept it brief and vague. He struggled with it for years and the trauma fueled his alcohol addiction. All that on top of a bad heart and diabetes due to his over eating, also to cope with the trauma, killed my Dad in 2010.
 

dickwad

Ribbed for her pleasure
kiwifarms.net
My brother had/has PTSD from his time in Afghanistan. He was stationed in Camp Northern lights in peace keeping mission. Out in a patrol to meet with village elders and discuss some stuff (didn't specify). So the grunts are out there waiting for the meeting to end and these two kids are messing around. So they throw some food for the wild dogs to eat and when the dogs go for the bite they throw stones at the dogs. So one of these dogs gets hit on the head and blacks out. These two kids start to hit the dog with sticks trying not to end its life but to maximize the pain. Jabbing with pointy sticks and breaking that dogs legs with stoned kind of fucked my brother up. He tried to stop it but his team leader just said that this is different country than ours (which I sort of understand). He was stuck there to watch and listen that torture. Me and my brother had two huskies when we were young. So being a "animal lover" made him prone to this sort of stuff. He went therapy for this stuff (the state didn't recognize at first for his need for therapy, money issue gov being a jew). Once in while we were hunting rabbits he kind of spaced out and told he would rather shoot humans that rabbits cause rabbits have never done anything to harm him and how bad humans can be. Nowdays my brother isn't in a bad shape. Same old crazy nut.
 

yasscat

yass
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have C-PTSD. I'd rather not go into what caused it, because most people wouldn't believe me, would think I'm exaggerating, or try to say that what happened to me doesn't happen in the US. I was diagnosed with PTSD back when I was a teenager, and a couple of years ago (sometime while I was in undergrad), my doctor realized that my symptoms are more in-line with C-PTSD (even though it's not an official diagnosis yet...but I hope it will be soon).

The stigma behind C-PTSD (and PTSD in general) really ticks me off. I wish I could talk about my experiences more openly without being lumped in with the self-diagnosing idiots on tumblr. Explaining my symptoms makes me feel crazy enough as is without worrying about people not taking me seriously or thinking I'm a liar or exaggerator.

I absolutely recommend having a few people who you know you can talk to, in addition to having a few hobbies that can take your mind off of things. (I also recommend NOT doing what I do and consciously consuming media/whatever that you know will trigger you because you hate yourself. Do as I say and not as I do, dammit.)

One thing I always like to remind people of is, yes, there will ALWAYS be someone out there that has it worse than you. This does NOT mean that what you're doing through isn't legitimate or valid. People suffer differently; that doesn't mean that it's not real, if that makes sense.

If anybody ITT ever needs to talk, my inbox is always open. <3
 

GolgoXIII

kiwifarms.net
So Thursday morning I blacked out.

There's a homeless gentlemen we'll call 'Dave' near the place I work out of who always opens the door to the 7/11 for me and unlike many never asks me for a dime or aggressive about it just a guy making the best out of a bad situation. I decided to chat him up one day after buying him a sandwich and juice from the same 7/11 I saw him infront of each and every morning.

Im getting off work at 7 AM like I normally do and head to the 7/11 for my coffee and I see Dave slumped over near the door. I had known he had become homeless from an undiagnosed mental health issue combined with a drinking problem all the norm in my wonderful city.

I got close to him saying jokingly said " Hey Dave, no slacking off." no response. I shake his foot..no response. I check his vitals..no response.

I remember going into the 7/11 with a tightness in my chest, slurring my words trying to get the clerk to call an ambulance.

I had fainted shortly after according to the EMT that brought me too after passing out on the floor and was taken to hospital to get checked out.

I didn't ask what he died from honestly I don't want to know if it's going to upset me..I think tomorrow im going to put a boquet of flowers and a candle where he'd always be or see if he has any living family.
 
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krimsonincode

There is no moving past. There is no better place.
kiwifarms.net
I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and depression when I was 18 while I was in a horrifically mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I went through a bunch of shit with my parents as a kid, too, and that probably also contributed to it.

The abusive motherfucker is someone who after now years of not being in contact with, is trying to get back in touch with me. They sent a letter last October, and then this year tried to get a hold of me before my birthday by phone. I had made the phone call to have them stop contacting me the morning of my birthday, which after speaking to the appropriate people I completely had a breakdown because I've been dealing with many things over the past few years, and the mere thought of this person sends me over the edge.

I've been in and out of counseling, but there are still times I lose control and have severe flashbacks to events with this douchecanoe. I've made a lot of progress over the past 2 years and I'm pretty proud of myself for getting to this point.

Golgo, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you.
 

Tokitae

Just here for the food.
kiwifarms.net
For me it's been a long time since I've had to deal seriously with my PTSD. A lot of the events that caused it happened when I was really young and I can't remember them very clearly at all now (yay?), though it does still affect me enough for it to be an issue.

In terms of talking to other people with PTSD... sometimes it's just nice to know that other people experience something similar and survive, whether it's caused by the same things or not. I was fortunate enough to have access to a good psychiatrist in my teens and to find medication that worked for me, and I'm now well enough to go without both for the most part. I guess all I can say to those of you still struggling is to not lose hope; you might meet a lot of shitty counsellors or try methods for coping that just don't work for you, but don't ever give up. For me it was medication I found most helpful as it helped me get back to a place where I could tell the difference between normal sad/scared and PTSD sad/scared... which was such a relief after such a long time of thinking that the reactions I had to things caused by my illness were my "normal" feelings and I would never be able to change or control them.

In saying that, everyone is different and deals with things at their own pace and in their own ways, so as cheesy as it sounds it really may be just a matter of time until you find something that truly helps you. Like others have said, it's not about who's got it worst or anything like that, it's about finding out what you need to do for you. For me a big realisation was the fact that I can't drink anything alcoholic- the taste, even if it's only slight, is a "trigger" for me. Kind of a bummer I guess, especially since I might not mind drinking with my friends at parties or even just having a casual glass of wine with dinner or something, but it's not worth it to have flashbacks and feel numb and disgusting for the rest of the day/night.

Thanks for making this thread; it's nice to know we aren't alone on here and I'll echo @Blake Bumbleby in saying that my inbox is always open. I might not be able to help but I can always listen. <3
 

GolgoXIII

kiwifarms.net
@Cosmos as a few people said it's comforting to know that those that are battling it aren't alone and can relate to the issue.

@krimsonincode Thank you for your kind words.

@Tokitae You're absolutely right not all PTSD and where it stems from is the same but healing and having a place to talk without judgement or feeling like you gotta carry that weight alone is pretty catharic.

As for about Thursday I managed to track his brother in the interior if his next of kin haven't been notified.
 

Magpie

Your local feathered friend.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I got saddled with a diagnosis of BPD and PTSD back when I was 15. Before people flip out a lot and scream to high heaven that ONLY 18+ EVER for personality disorder diagnoses and that is by and large the rule. My case was severe enough to warrant it. Anyway, shelve that.

Very early childhood trauma left me pretty fucked from the start. Lost my younger sister (she was a bit over a year) at the age of 3 1/2 due to what was frankly a freak accident. Taking a bath, Mom looks away for an instant, she somehow fell and hit her head before going underwater. I pulled her out but the damage was done. Got flown to the hospital and put on life support. Brain dead, would have been a vegetable if the plug hadn't been pulled. Parents said that my personality totally broke and the me I was before the accident died with her - maybe it's better that I don't remember how I was before then? I mull it over a lot.

There was a lot of things that happened to me later in life that probably contributed too. Near death experiences, more notable ones being some deranged high schoolers trying to kill me (or at the very least severely injure me) when I was in fifth grade and, ironically enough, almost drowning. Nearly saw my dad die in a motorcycle accident. Then you got the whole bullying thing throughout all of school, which only served to compound my existing issues. If I hadn't gotten assfucked by life straight out of the gates it probably would have been easier to tolerate.

Coming up on two decades later I still struggle to shake the idea that it's my fault she's dead. The nightmares play their hand in that, showing me shoving her, hitting her, or holding her under - things that are patently false. My parents still need to remind me that it wasn't because of me sometimes. Thanks to therapy I am a lot less prone to freaking out over baths, and I can handle the nightmares better. I honestly doubt I will ever really be fully healed from all of this, none of my family will. Still, it's mostly a matter of time now. Time and pressing on.

I don't know how helpful I would be in terms of being someone to talk to for others, but all the same my inbox is always open too.
 

Wildchild

Conflict Resolution Officer
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Been diagnosed with complex PTSD because of multiple episodes of abuse and interpersonal trauma during childhood and early adulthood.

I have more dissociation symptoms rather than acute stress symptoms but will occasionally have nightmares and terrors but don't generally get triggered or have nightmares.

Has anyone had experience with EMDR? I'm currently having EMDR therapy, and all though my dissociation has improved, I think it's more due to life circumstances improving, rather than having an effect.
 

Surfacescum

Just skim it off the top, please
kiwifarms.net
Not sure how I missed this thread.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in May after a really traumatic hospital stay in April that left me near-dead. I was given a medication in an ER due to a supposed UTI, but my entire GI tract wound up shutting down for a solid two months. The experience was pretty painful, as I remember it, with invasive procedures, tubes, and was not allowed morphine or any type of painkiller. I dehydrated twice, had two ER visits, a hospital stay, and had home IV fluids, after which I was given a medication that gave me suicidal tendencies and hand tremors. I ate baby food for a three months after that, and the first hint of nausea now just spins me into a total meltdown and flashback.

My issue wasn't so much with the panic attacks as much as I felt really, really alone those first couple of months after being diagnosed. While other sufferers were sympathetic, there were a handful who insisted PTSD doesn't exist and/or could not manifest after medical trauma, so even though I had the papers and diagnosis code that said otherwise, it took a while for me to accept that my version of PTSD or my experiences that caused it were any more or less than anyone else's.

I'm fortunate I have really good friends and a good mental health team now.
 

Tokitae

Just here for the food.
kiwifarms.net
Been diagnosed with complex PTSD because of multiple episodes of abuse and interpersonal trauma during childhood and early adulthood.

I have more dissociation symptoms rather than acute stress symptoms but will occasionally have nightmares and terrors but don't generally get triggered or have nightmares.

Has anyone had experience with EMDR? I'm currently having EMDR therapy, and all though my dissociation has improved, I think it's more due to life circumstances improving, rather than having an effect.
I've heard of it but never had it personally. My doctor suggested light therapy (I think it's similar?) which is evidently very effective for some people. I couldn't afford the light box at the time, but he mentioned that for a lot of people, spending time in direct sunlight before noon for half an hour or so has a similar, subtle effect long-term. It did help when I was doing it, but I guess that might have also been going outdoors and being in fresh air.

My symptoms are generally more dissociative too, so if you find it helpful perhaps I'll look into it myself! It sounds really interesting.
 

krimsonincode

There is no moving past. There is no better place.
kiwifarms.net
Hey everyone, my SO recently found that weighed blankets can help with ptsd symptoms. They cost about 120usd, and more for the ones with glass beads.

I've been having a few episodes this past week and my SO was reading about it a few days ago.. figured I post about it to let you guys know. Be well, and keep up the good fight <3
 
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