Personal Lolcows -

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
So this guy has been mentioned on the farms before a few times, but no one's really gone that far into him and its kind of a shame.
I just watched his "Final Fantasy 7 Remake Sucks" video and he literally spent the first three minutes snickering and laughing like a gay little Keebler Elf and sperging about how nobody subscribes and nobody watches his streams and nobody donates to him because "yOu MoThErFuCkErS aRe DuMbAsSeS wHo DoNt DeSeRvE mE" and "herp derp only filthy casual fans are excited about the Final Fantasy 7 Remake!" and the few videos of his that I watched have more dislikes than likes.
 
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Sovegaard

kiwifarms.net
I was either going to do the guy who dodged 3 FBI investigations for pedophilia or Hunter Moore, the "Arrow of God, First Seal of the Apocolypse, and Prophet of Christ."

This used to be a schizo lolcow, but tragically he turned into a horrorcow once his dad died and the extended family took him back up north where he murdered another native that went up with him as a caretaker.

Kentucky man allegedly killed woman to ‘beat the demon’ from her stomach, reports say.

There's various levels of fucked from schizophrenia to pedophilia, although he's not as much of a pedo as the FBI dodger.

I have some audio recording that I took when I would hang out with him + an interview with one of the neighbors that would go over to check on him, but I would have to retroactively add them once I recover the files.

Key Beliefs
  • He is the first seal of the apocalypse, destined to start the end times by stabbing someone in the neck/face. He doesn't want to, but Jesus told him it had to happen.
  • There's a Council of 12 that will punish The Prince by torturing him for all eternity. I found out later that I was this Prince.
  • HE'S TIRED OF GETTING FUCKED IN THE ASS BY THESE GODDAMN NIGGERS! Is what he would yell, almost naked, in the front yard whenever his sports team lost.
  • He can't use the internet because it's all controlled by the FBI/CIA and they're trying to program his thoughts with mind control. Same with newspapers, television, and music that's too loud.
  • He believes he has ESP when in reality his low self-esteem causes him to shit talk himself in his head, and he thinks he's reading all the secret shit talk from other people. We were at a bar talking to these chicks and he just yells, "OH YEAH!? WELL FUCK YOU TOO, BITCH!" and ran off.
  • Everyone is trying to poison him to prevent the return of Jesus.
  • Trucks are surveillance drones.
We know part of his problem comes from taking bottles of acid (it's a long story but acid was extremely plentiful for 3 years) and tripping for multiple days straight. One day, he came over to a mutual house and just said, "so I was thinking about the Bible," and we all just laughed. I pulled the, "oh, you're serious? Let me laugh harder," and that was enough to earn me the title of The Prince. Eventually, past more shit, he got arrested because he kept chasing the black kids down the street while screaming, and he fired a homemade bow and arrow through the window of a neighbor's house. It just all went downhill when Chuck, his dad died. I'll try to get those clips because it does a better job at showing his thought process.
 
The more modern incarnation of anti-abortion nuts like Steven Crowder are a special kind of sperg ripe for trolling. Yeah, the same guy who knows that nogs need to stop breeding, yet wails about how abortion "targets" black "babies" as a core part of his argument. That hypocrite. They'll (rightfully) screech all damned day about "science-deniers" when it comes to troons and vaccines, yet call early-term abortion literal murder. Explain the #1 most basic fact of biology (the seven characteristics of what constitutes a life form) to these people and you can see the moment in their eyes when their brains just bluescreen, either from realization or not knowing how to respond. Bonus points for explaining to them when the central nervous system is developed enough to function on any level and what that entails, then end it by calling them science-deniers who put feels over reals. Just like a blue-hair resorting to comparing someone to Hitler, they'll declare you to be an evil "baby-killer" when they've got nothing to prop up their narrative, leaving them with only their millennial-style tantrum. It doesn't take much provoking to get these freaks to more openly show us that they're not much different from the SJWs they build careers and hobbies on opposing.
 

Shitassdeaddude

kiwifarms.net
Okay, strap in everyone, this is going to be a big one.
You know, if it were me from a few years ago reading this saga I would call bullshit. I would say you are a liar, and that while these stories are a fun read they are also fiction. These days I know better than to assume people are too good for someone like Rufus to exist, having met one or two similar folks myself. If this chucklefuck had a greater online presence he'd probably have his own subsection of the forum by now.
 

Bogdanoff

kiwifarms.net
Robert Moran and his cult-like fanbase are fast becoming a favorite. This guy has been getting triggered online since like 2006 but he's somehow flown under the radar. He has his fans well-trained as well.

This guy has been making tens of thousands of dollars for single-night event streams for a Tabletop Simulator show called URealms for the past few years.
Recently he put out a nearly hour-long video in an attempt to manipulate his fans into giving him something like 25 grand a month to continue being a second-rate youtuber, threatening to retire from his online career if the goals aren't met. I believe he met his goal for the first month.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqdjDfrxOZk - E-Begging video. Begging happens in the last 5-ish minutes after 50 minutes of sub-par emotional manipulation.
- Twitter drama thread on the guy. Full of great shit. Love how he uses the word "homework".
https://twitter.com/Sixelona/status/1187711173933916161 - Another Twitter drama post from someone who recently worked with the guy.
https://forums.urealms.com/ - His forums.


Images attached are his responses to his less brainwashed fans when they call him out for essentially dumping a project those fans have sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into.
 

Attachments

CWCissey

Charming Man
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Hey @TheImportantFart ! I've read through Episode VIII!

Luke is still about that fucking moon I see
An ambush right outside a top-secret training base? What is this? Afghanistan?
Holy fuck! No exposition from the bat? Well done Rufus!
FUCKING WAIT JACE.
'A MASSIVE OBJECT emerges from Hyperspace. It’s a big round ball, with a gigantic wedgie running through the middle' THE NEW DEATH STAR IS A FUCKIN' NERD!
'It looks like someone stabbed a Star Destroyer through a Death Star.' All it's missing is 'It's stupid!'
This is pointing out it's coincidental ridiculousness more than Die Hard 2...
Winston Churchill's a bloody bulldog, not a fish monster!
Yorpty really should have ended his speech with 'Now commence looting'
Urm, is Yorpty using a two way hologram for his menacing speech? HECKLE THE FUCKER CORUSCANT!
THEY KILLED EVERYONE! THEN THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Luke really shouldn't have had that third Double Down.
Oh here comes the Blunder Twins...
Fuck the Third Moon Of Serrano
Wow you really fought against letting your husband risking his life there Leia!
Jace: Can I come? Han: No.
Maximum Tommy.jpg
'A threatening finger'? Ooh you scamp Rufus!
God I love blunt Han
Surely the force a spaceship generates to lift off would kill a man rather than just annoy him slightly.
Nice Jace! Way to endanger your alleged beloved uncle!
Yippee! DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM JAKE LLOYD STUPID?
Oh nice Han, think about endangering your son, even if he's a whingy little turd.
Wow, psycho much? Those Tie Fighter pilots probably had families Han.
Where's Squant Squadron?
WAR IS SCARY UNCA LUKE!
Name the damn ship Rufus
OOH! FOLLOW DA BUDDAFLY!-Jace: A long long time ago
Nerf the Millenium Falcon. I can't believe I'm saying that.
Thisssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssscript issssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssshite.
My farts can heal wounds too. Linder just doesn't believe in their power.
The fuck is a groand?
Wedge is a buttmonkey. Why?
CUT YOUR LOSSES HAN! JACE ISN'T WORTH IT!
Jesus Rondus, have some patience, yeesh.
Woah, that Stormtrooper was nice enough to lead you straight to Yorpty! No need to go all Saudi on him!
Urm, self awareness?
Heh, a pretty nice reference to a reference.
I'd think Cloud City would be pretty dusty at this point.
Carbonite Rufus, nice Star Wars fanning.
NO JACE! PULLING OUT YOUR BLASTER IS CLASSED AS INDECENT EXPOSURE!
DON'T IMAGINE YOUR DAD'S SEXUAL EXPLOITS EITHER!
Mmm, dem tiddies...
USE DA FORCE LUKE AND LEIA! I WISH I COULD TRAIN TO DESPITE NOT BEING ABLE TO.
I see Darth Rondus is a fan of The Stone Roses and weed.
FUCK EVIDENCE! DO WHAT WE SAY!
‘Jumping lampfish’? No Rufus.
Good Lord, the Sith is using the Force for slapstick!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
At least The Empire learns from their mistakes I guess...
Han calls his dick The Falcon.
A Jedi Go Go Gadget watch? How convenient!
Ackbar studies some co-ordinates 'septically' Does that involve some sort of tank?
Name your fucking locations Rufus.
Nice rip off of a better film.
Was the Mandalorian planet really called Concord Dawn?
So Jace can recognise Mandalorian titty armour but not work out that the wearer may be Mandalorian?
Boba the badass became Superdad?
Ooh Rufus so horny. He love you long time!
Star Wars characters tend not to talk to themselves...
No Rufus, don't you dare.
Greetings brave Jedi and welcome to Jumanji Tython!
Yeah fuck those old guys that would be useful in a fight against a Sithlord!
No Rufus...
Jace Cena? :jacewow:
So Rufus likes blondes? I mean, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
OEDIPUS! OEDIPUS!
This love scene would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic.
lol you wish Rufus!
How can you not recognise Slave I straight away, it's pretty fucking distinctive!
The Three Blasterteers? Wow this is a fucking acheivement, Lando is now seriously UNcool.
Chewbacca is that wuss friend who implores you to let the missus know you're going to the pub? I believe it.
Ugh, crap pillow talk
FUCK YES, BOBA FETT BEING SUPERDAD FUCKIN' ROCKS!
It's Yoda's dick in a box, isn't it Luke?
How old are the Blunder Twins meant to be again?
SON OF A BITCH, DARTH RONDUS STOLE MY DARK SIDE OF THE MOON BOOTLEG!
'He’s actually in his N-K Necrosis form, but only the true Star Wars fans in the audience will recognise this fact' Nigga, you forget that you have to be force sensitive to be a Jedi. You can't talk.
Aliens reference, nice
STOP THROWING YOUR FUCKING SPACE-KATANAS
Why is Luke mutilating a disabled living being?
Oh sorry. Why is Luke desecrating a corpse?
'He finally worked it out'? Luke knew it was you as soon as he saw the tapes were gone Rondus you dickhead.
USE YOUR TRACTOR BEAM TO BRING HIM BACK MORONS!
Grand Moff Zikar? Does he have an abnormally small head?
SHOOT HIM BOBA! SHOOT HIM!
Ahh you pleb, still somehow the coolest sucker in the script though.
I can't imagine Han Solo using the word 'buckethead'
Han's not proud, he's elated that whiny little Jace actually got his end away.
Fucking Hell, Chewie gave Jace the thumbs up for banging a girl? Why not the Rimmer sex gesture?
I BANGED HIM! I LUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRVE HIM!
This is the first time sex between young people actually brought dads together.
My master has never listened to Fat Of The Land! Let him keep the holocrons for a bit!
So Darth Rondus is a mix of Luuke and Cell from Dragonball Z?
This self-awareness is pretty rad.
Leia reacts with shock about Obi-Wan, Yoda and Anakin being gone? Can't she see the ghosts too?
SCREECHING END

Still better than The Last Jedi.
 

Cat Menagerie

kiwifarms.net
This local pro 2A nutjob who goes to places with rifles etc, then records responses. He says he's "auditing" and making sure people respect the 2A. This is Oklahoma. You won't find a more pro 2A place.

He has content and I doubt he'd delete, but you never know. Here is his YouTube channel, which I don't have a way of archiving, but if someone could that would be pretty nice of them. Also a Google of his name + Oklahoma turns up all the news hits of him being a cow.

 
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Cole phleps

Phleps badge 1248
kiwifarms.net
This local pro 2A nutjob who goes to places with rifles etc, then records responses. He says he's "auditing" and making sure people respect the 2A. This is Oklahoma. You won't find a more pro 2A place.

He has content and I doubt he'd delete, but you never know. Here is his YouTube channel, which I don't have a way of archiving, but if someone could that would be pretty nice of them. Also a Google of his name + Oklahoma turns up all the news hits of him being a cow.

Timothy Harper sounded familiar, then I remembered where I first saw him. In this video.
In this video, he is wandering around a park carrying an AR15 pistol around yelling about audits.
ar15 pistol.jpg

The cops spend way too much time trying to explain to Timothy that his gun may be legally considered a pistol but to the average person it just looks like he's carrying a tiny AR15 around the park on a sling, and he's scaring people. Timothy, of course, believes this is some sort of personal attack on him and the second amendment and gun owner's rights. Heres a local news article about the fiasco, and here's another only a few hours old from the same outlet. Actually though if you really look into him, trying to bring guns into parks is a constant issue this guy runs into over and over again. You know you're doing something wrong if all your local second amendment groups want nothing to do with you and that's the main cause you've dedicated yourself too.
 

niconiconecro

I survived being attacked by wolves as a baby
kiwifarms.net
the tohou fandom on twitter has a lot of autists, many of which are extremely online.


this nigger troon made his account in march of this year but has a tweet count of 64k+ as I’m writing this. he shows all of the usual signs of being a nigger on twitter as well as being easily offended by small shit. he likes to get into twitter slap fights and then send his autist followers afterwards. I know he’s got a carrd link in his bio that doesn’t reveal much of anything, it’d be pretty funny if I could find his power word.
 
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Cole phleps

Phleps badge 1248
kiwifarms.net
the tohou fandom on twitter has a lot of autists, many of which are extremely online.


this nigger troon made his account in march of this year but has a tweet count of 64k+ as I’m writing this. he shows all of the usual signs of being a nigger on twitter as well as being easily offended by small shit. he likes to get into twitter slap fights and then send his autist followers afterwards. I know he’s got a carrd link in his bio that doesn’t reveal much of anything, it’d be pretty funny if I could find his power word.
Bruh, I click that twitter link and this is the third tweet down.
screenshot-twitter.com-2019.11.07-07_36_55.png
There's so much weeb shit, loli shit, and other assorted hentai at the very beginning of his page alone, that I can see where this is heading.
 
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Spooky Bones

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Timothy Harper sounded familiar, then I remembered where I first saw him. In this video.
In this video, he is wandering around a park carrying an AR15 pistol around yelling about audits.
View attachment 1000318
The cops spend way too much time trying to explain to Timothy that his gun may be legally considered a pistol but to the average person it just looks like he's carrying a tiny AR15 around the park on a sling, and he's scaring people. Timothy, of course, believes this is some sort of personal attack on him and the second amendment and gun owner's rights. Heres a local news article about the fiasco, and here's another only a few hours old from the same outlet. Actually though if you really look into him, trying to bring guns into parks is a constant issue this guy runs into over and over again. You know you're doing something wrong if all your local second amendment groups want nothing to do with you and that's the main cause you've dedicated yourself too.
I'm super pro-2A but these people are cancerous turbospergs. Even better was some autist on YouTube who was 18 or 19 so carried an AR-15 to the mall openly and said he would carry a pistol but could not, being under 21, and therefore was being deprived of his rights. Or some shit. In general open carry is exceptional "look at me ma I've got a gun." If I'm carrying a large pistol sometimes I do carry it outside the wasteband but will typically in cold weather anyway be wearing a vest or jacket or something and it is not super in-your-face. In warm weather sometimes I will carry in a way that is more or less obvious to the observer, maybe with the top of the weapon being fairly visible protruding from my wasteband and a T or polo shirt or something like that but even still it is at least a little subtle, people may or may not see it, but that's not the point; for these idiots, people seeing it IS the point! I'm a large man and can easily discretely walk around with my 1911 or Beretta. Walking around with it indiscretely doesn't give me a woody. I don't not do it because it triggers people, I don't do it because it's just dumb on a number of levels and possibly invites problems up to and including someone walking up behind you with their own gun and taking yours off you.

Discrete tuckable holsters exist, are comfortable, and eminently usable. Maybe if I'm going to the range and the gun shop and making a day of doing gun things i'll slap on a nice leather OWB holster or if I had some reason to be overtly in a role of acting as "security" (I don't; say, if I were escorting someone who was carrying a lot of cash or something and actively spending the whole time maintaining a high degree of "situational awareness") but in general for the average person there is really no reason to do this on a regular basis other than to be confrontational and BECAUSE I CAN, which is just dumb and attention-seeking and pisses me off. Plays to a negative stereotype of gun owners as manchildren who think that guns add inches to their dick length. Yes, you have the right, but this is more in line with wearing a T-shirt that says "FUCK" because you are pro-1A. Especially now that more and more states aren't requiring permits to carry concealed (which was a legitimate reason to carry open 5 or 10 years ago in some places.) Open-carrying in WAL*MART or wherever just to be an IRL troll is not a political statement, it's just edginess. I hate these people so fucking much.
 
Last edited:

Cole phleps

Phleps badge 1248
kiwifarms.net
I'm super pro-2A but these people are cancerous turbospergs. Even better was some autist on YouTube who was 18 or 19 so carried an AR-15 to the mall openly and said he would carry a pistol but could not, being under 21, and therefore was being deprived of his rights. Or some shit. In general open carry is exceptional "look at me ma I've got a gun." If I'm carrying a large pistol sometimes I do carry it outside the wasteband but will typically in cold weather anyway be wearing a vest or jacket or something and it is not super in-your-face. In warm weather sometimes I will carry in a way that is more or less obvious to the observer, maybe with the top of the weapon being fairly visible protruding from my wasteband and a T or polo shirt or something like that but even still it is at least a little subtle, people may or may not see it, but that's not the point; for these idiots, people seeing it IS the point! I'm a large man and can easily discretely walk around with my 1911 or Beretta. Walking around with it indiscretely doesn't give me a woody. I don't not do it because it triggers people, I don't do it because it's just dumb on a number of levels and possibly invites problems up to and including someone walking up behind you with their own gun and taking yours off you.

Discrete tuckable holsters exist, are comfortable, and eminently usable. Maybe if I'm going to the range and the gun shop and making a day of doing gun things or if I had some reason to be overtly in a role of acting as "security" (I don't; say, if I were escorting someone who was carrying a lot of cash or something and actively spending the whole time maintaining a high degree of "situational awareness") but in general for the average person there is really no reason to do this on a regular basis other than to be confrontational and BECAUSE I CAN, which is just dumb and attention-seeking and pisses me off. Plays to a negative stereotype of gun owners as manchildren who think that guns add inches to their dick length. Yes, you have the right, but this is more in line with wearing a T-shirt that says "FUCK" because you are pro-1A. Especially now that more and more states aren't requiring permits to carry concealed (which was a legitimate reason to carry open 5 or 10 years ago in some places.) Open-carrying in WAL*MART or wherever just to be an IRL troll is not a political statement, it's just edginess. I hate these people so fucking much.
I totally agree I'm a gun owner and collector. It's a very irresponsible thing to bring your weapons somewhere with the sole intention of causing a scene and making some exceptional point though. Like you mentioned I think they believe it makes them look tough and few people are going to argue with the man shouting nonsense and holding a rifle. In my experience, most open carry activists just end up scaring random uninvolved onlookers and putting law enforcement on edge for no good reason like in the video above. You're right on the money with the fact this is not political and just edginess that makes gun owners as a whole look like unhinged manchildren.
 
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MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
So...

@CWCissey, @dunbrine47, @Kiwi Lime Pie, @ToroidalBoat, @Adamska, @The Un-Clit, @Shitassdeaddude, @Gordon Cole, @vertexwindi, @Crichax, @Overcast, @Xerxes IX, @REGENDarySumanai @yasscat (if I forgot to tag anyone, I am so sorry. Let me know and I'll make sure you're in future alerts).

I have just been sent something very special indeed on the Rufus front. I'm still reading through it all, but because I love you all, I'll be putting it up very soon as an early Christmas/late Halloween present. I will try and put the post up either today or tomorrow depending on how I get on, but otherwise it will have to be next week as I'm travelling after that.

Keep an eye on this thread, clear some space in your diary, grab the :popcorn: and get excited though, because this is the hardest I've ever laughed at a Rufus update, and I still haven't read everything I've been sent.

I will leave you with this little teaser for the time being though:

Every Saga has an ending....

Don't panic. That clue isn't meant to imply Rufus is dead. He's still very much alive. As you'll soon see.

Stay tuned...
Please tag me in the near future. My boyfriend and I love your Rufus stories. Also it might result in less content but I hope his sister showed their parents the fit he had on Facebook about not getting Legos.
 
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TheImportantFart

Fartscape
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Please tag me in the near future. My boyfriend and I love your Rufus stories. Also it might result in less content but I hope his sister showed their parents the fit he had on Facebook about not getting Legos.
Will do. Glad to hear the two of you have been enjoying it so mugh.
 
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VforVincent

I need a smoke
kiwifarms.net
As much as I would like to make a thread on this cow, I doubt people would enjoy her content as much as I do (plus I don’t have privileges yet). Anyway, more e-begging.
688C78FE-382C-4EBB-A643-5CDCEFD42E93.jpeg

3CE6AD02-4BE3-48B2-9EDF-B9CA9996C581.jpeg

DAA2BF16-17E8-4F83-A136-38BEBB645F11.jpeg
 
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